I choose trust.

I tap my chest.

‘I choose trust, I choose trust,’ I say over and over.

Please, God, allow this pain to rest, just for today. 

I pray, you sadness go away.

I am not in Kansas anymore.

I have never known this depth of emptiness before.

And nothing,

not food,

not curling up and watching Friends,

not clicking the heels of my ruby slippers together to arrive at my parents’ home-

none of it works anymore.

So, I must learn to self soothe-

hold a stuffed animal and cry it out,

cradle myself with a hot water bottle,

sit in a bath with bubbles, rose drops, and sea salt,

letting my eyes be captivated by the water and not the stories I tell myself.

I choose to breathe deeply, 

steeping in a hot cup of herbal tea.

I choose to write poetry.

I choose to let go of you, so I can choose the light in me.

I tap my chest.

I choose to allow.

I choose trust.

I choose trust.